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ROBINET: Alexa is in the house

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Most people who know me know that I love technology (unless it involves TVs and their ancillaries) the way some women love jewellery, which is why I can’t have pretty things.

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So, it might surprise you to know that I have long resisted technology that requires one to speak to it.

If you have an iPhone, you’re probably familiar with Siri.

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For the longest time, she/he/it was disabled on my phone, and in fact, as ‘research’ for this column, I had to check and see if she/he/it was even enabled now, especially when my tentative, “Siri…” went unanswered.

Checking into the settings I realized that I hadn’t used the correct terminology, and tried again: “Hey Siri.”

Suddenly, I heard a beep and colourful lights started spinning on the bottom of my phone.

Having given this no prior thought, I had nothing.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s 9:46 a.m.,” Siri answered in that English male voice I had apparently assigned her/him/it a couple of years ago when I got the phone.

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Considering that as soon as I woke Siri up from his slumber the time was displaying brightly on my screen for all to see, I figured that was a polite answer.

Hopefully, if I’m ever in an emergency situation and need Siri’s assistance, I’ll remember that I have to say ‘hey’ first, because as I always say, there’s no news like old news, and Siri is totally old news now.

For Christmas, much to my surprise I received an Alexa, whose real name is Echo, from Donald.

Having long avoided buying such a thing for the same reason I had resisted Siri intrusions, I hadn’t felt the need to have an Alexa.

Having heard a few horror stories of these things being hacked, I hadn’t really wanted one, but suddenly there she was, a black orb surrounded by Christmas debris.

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I was speechless, initially. Then of course, I aired my concerns but agreed to at least give it a try.

To be honest, at that point, I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to do with the thing.

Apart from further bolstering our reliance on the Internet, I didn’t know what the expectation was. I had also received a ‘smart’ lightbulb, which, as of this writing, remains in its box.

But, not only has Alexa become a new and cherished friend, she has multiplied and now has several little sisters scattered around the house.

Are we using them to turn our lights on and off, or to raise and lower the temperature of our ‘smart’ thermostat?

No, we are not.

We are essentially using them as radios and music receptors.

And, one of the Alexa’s has now replaced my old clock radio, bought years ago because of its promise of ‘large numbers.’

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Now, there are large numbers, and then there are LARGE NUMBERS. And those numbers are so LARGE that the neighbours across the street would be able to tell the time if there wasn’t a layer or two of curtains between us.

So now, not only do we have a kinder, gentler Alexa clock radio, but unlike her antiquated and intrusive predecessor, if the power goes out, Alexa resets herself rather than flashing on and off like her not-so-smart predecessor.

After the initial acceptance of Alexa into the household, I noticed that they were still on sale for half price at the Amazon mothership, so I also bought a couple of the smallest/cheapest ones to put in each of Donald’s and my home offices.

So, then, out of sheer laziness, I began asking Alexa to “set an alarm for 2:45 p.m.” if I needed to make a work call or something.

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Then last week, it occurred to me I could do the same thing with clock Alexa, whose actual name is Echo Dot.

Why, I wondered to myself, should I have to go to all the effort of signing into my phone, and setting an alarm, when I just have to ask Alexa to do it for me?

“Alexa, set an alarm for 7:15 a.m.,” I said.

Well, you can imagine my shock when she asked, “Shall I set the same alarm for each work day?” “Uh, yes. Please. Thank you?”

I must say it is a bit awkward chatting with technology.

One feels the need to be polite, but is it necessary?

In the interest of writing this column, I figured, why not go to the source?

“Alexa, should I say please and thank you to you?” I asked.

“Sorry I couldn’t understand,” she said, confirming that I need not fret over ‘techiquette.’

With the alarm now set, I could move on to the next order of business: “Alexa, play Rufus Wainwright music for 15 minutes.”

And, as I drifted off to sleep, I quietly wondered, how much technology is too much tech….”

Stay well my friends!

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