Senior Living: Aging parents — the 40-70 rule

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Money and health care are usually near the top of the list of challenging subjects for adult children to broach with older parents. This will likely be a situation that you may need to “bite the bullet” and just talk about it openly.

Advisors usually revert to the 40-70 Rule. If you’re in your ’40s and/or your parents are in their ’70s, it’s time to start observing and gathering information carefully and thoughtfully. Many small issues brought about by aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to continue to maintain their independence. If you notice a change in your parent’s behaviour, physical appearance or condition, this could possibly indicate a larger issue.

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Always try to find solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for an older person. Remember you are talking to an adult, not a child. Patronizing speech will put older adults on the defensive and may convey a lack of respect. Try and put yourself in your parent’s situation. If your parents acknowledge that they may need assistance — ask them what they think would be a good solution? Here are some suggestions on how to approach discussions with your aging parents.

1. Start with a list. Sometimes before having conversations with family members about sensitive subjects it is a good idea to write down the items you want to discuss. What information do you need to know? What information do you need to share? Who should be involved in the conversations?

2. Acknowledging that some topics may be difficult to discuss. This helps people relax. Invite other family members to do the same.

3. Frame your discussions. People are more likely to engage in a conversation about sensitive topics if, along with acknowledging that it can be difficult to discuss certain issues, you explain why you believe it is important.

4. Give it a time limit. Some people will be very comfortable with long conversations about sensitive topics, while others may do better with several shorter discussions. Be sure not to overwhelm each other. It is better if you are prepared and feel comfortable with the subject being discussed.

5. Sum-it-up. At the end of the conversation, summarize what was agreed upon and determine those items that need to be completed or require future steps of action. This is also a good time to set a time to have a followup conversation again to check in with each other.

Open dialogue and discussions are at the core of effective and successful estate planning. Open communications among everyone involved is always necessary to ensure there is an understanding of the parent’s intentions and wishes. Next week we will look at how to create an estate plan and the benefits to having one.

— Christine Ibbotson has written four finance books, including the bestseller How to Retire Debt Free & Wealthy. She also writes the Moneylady column. askthemoneylady.ca