Two Cents Worth
Article content
Were you bullied at school?
Were you a bully? Are you a bully?
Bullying is not a new thing. It is not something that has just come about because of technology and social media although both those things have exacerbated the quality, quantity and effectiveness of bullying. There are a few other things which contribute to the increase of bullying and which make it much more dangerous these days. One is the consequences to those who stand up for themselves and another is the lack of consequences for those doing the bullying.
This kind of behaviour has been around forever and it is not a kid thing. Often kids learn what they see and they see it works so it becomes a useful tool in today’s society. Most often bullying behaviour is based in lack of self-esteem of the perpetrator.
You can see intimidation in the workplace especially when maintaining a job is essential. Many have witnessed victimization in locker rooms, on the field, the ice, the pitch, etc. made worse by the coach’s unwillingness to intervene. It is prevalent in schools and often teachers feel powerless or are reluctant to get involved. Hazing and initiations are the ultimate form of bullying but are is showcased as a coming of age or character building. There is a lot of oppression going on in families built on old-fashioned stereotypes or when one partner controls the finances. Bullying happens anywhere people are. And it’s not always aggressive or violent and it is not gender exclusive.
There are lots of ways people torment each other. It is not only calling names, making fun of, or belittling another. When a girlfriend demands all the attention be on her to the exclusion of the boy’s friends, parents or teammates, it is a form of bullying. If a boy demands, cajoles, whines, withholds affection, etc. to elicit more from a girl than she wants to give, it is bullying. When you pull all the worst shifts at work it can be a form of persecution. If a parent shames, humiliates or embarrasses a child in any way and calls it teaching them a lesson, it is a simple, basic bullying tactic.
I don’t remember much bullying going on when I was a kid but it was a different world then. We were taught to defend ourselves so if someone picked on us we hauled off and clocked ‘em. If we saw anyone else being picked on we would jump to their defense as well. But bullying was pretty direct back then. Someone came at you, face to face, which gave you the opportunity to stand up to them.
Today it has become very cowardly by using social media, being anonymous, hidden and a team sport. So often now others fall in line so as to avoid becoming a target themselves. Kids are not taught how to defend themselves or are they allowed to. If someone pushes you around and you push back you are also found to be at fault and sometimes punished even harsher than the bully. We are now seeing some people being disciplined but it is only at the extreme end of things like following a suicide.
Why can’t we do something about it right at the start rather than when it’s too late? How many young lives would be saved had there been actions in place to stop the behaviour when the first text, email, Facebook comment was made?
We need to do a much better job of teaching kids how to develop empathy. We all need to be responsible to protect those unable to do so for themselves. We need to raise kids with self-confidence, pride in self and inner strength so they don’t feel the need to cut down others to make themselves feel better.