Christian Perspectives: Funerals and families
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Pastor P. N. Woodburn
Lead Pastor at Tillsonburg Alliance Church
My last surviving grandparent passed away at the age of 101. Up until the last several months, she was mentally alert and fairly mobile. I didn’t know her very well. She lived thousands of kilometers away and I’m not much of a traveller.
Plus, things were busy for me. There were my years as a student. Undergraduate work followed by a graduate degree. My time settling into my first job. There was my wedding, a career change and a couple of kids. …of course it’s likely those are all just excuses.
Her death started me thinking about other family members, and friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I started wondering what it would take for me to make time and catch up on visits. How about you? What would it take for you to make time for some catch-up visits? A promotion? A raise? A holiday? A birth? A death?
Has your family become a funeral family?
A funeral family is a family that only gathers when someone dies. It’s not that they have had a falling-out (that’s a different issue altogether) they’ve just sort of drifted apart. It’s not that they never talk, it’s that they never talk without a reason. They don’t linger like they used to. They don’t hang out. Life is too busy. Then someone dies.
Having lived in a small town for a number of years, I know there are some families who all continue to live in, or near the same village or city in which they were born. They get together on a regular basis, usually at mom and dad's place. If they are especially blessed the grandparents (one or both sets) are also present. They have a meal together, or gather around a bonfire. They take in a concert or all attend the same church. It seems to me that those families are increasingly rare. Funeral families are on the rise.
Nobody means to be part of a funeral family, it just creeps up on you. At first an effort is made to keep everyone up-to-date on your education, your relationships and the ever-growing children. You make phone calls to brag about academic and athletic achievements. You remember to call or send an eCard on birthdays. You send a text message and maybe make the odd holiday gathering every couple of years.
You don’t mean for it to happen. In fact, you don’t notice it’s happened.
First, school takes you away, then you get caught up in the career. You wake up one day and your children are teenagers and life is hectic beyond words. You mean to visit the family, you really do! Sometimes you get a warning shot. A sudden, serious illness, a flurry of medical tests and late night phone calls.
Then you stand there looking down into the open casket and it dawns on you that last meaningful conversation you shared with this person was months, maybe even years ago.
Tell me something – is there some family member who would benefit from a call right now?